Abbott & Costello – Loafing Routine


Loafing Routine

abbott & costello2

Abbott and Costello

ABBOTT, obviously tired, walks in to messy house to find COSTELLO reading a comic book on couch

ABBOTT: Just as I . . . .CUT THAT OUT! (very angry) What is this all about?!!
COSTELLO: Wazza matter with you?
ABBOTT: I’ve been out all day long looking for work! Do you ever go out to look for work?
COSTELLO: Certainly! . . .. .
ABBOTT: (interrupts) Am I the only one that’s gonna do all work around here?
COSTELLO: I was workin’.
ABBOTT: ah (angrily)
COSTELLO: I was reading a comic book
ABBOTT: Really, a comic book. That don’t feed ya, my friend. That don’t put food in the icebox
COSTELLO: Wait a minute. . .
ABBOTT: Don’t gimme that wait a minute stuff.
COSTELLO: Wait a minute, I think I heard something I didn’t know
ABBOTT: What?
COSTELLO: You said you were out all day workin’?
ABBOTT: I was out there looking for a job.
COSTELLO: Did you get?
ABBOTT: Yes, I got a job.
COSTELLO: Oh
ABBOTT: I hadda get a job, you don’t want to work
COSTELLO: What are you doing?
ABBOTT: I got a job in a bakery.
COSTELLO: GOOD! What are you doing there?
ABBOTT: Loafin’.
COSTELLO: WHOA!
ABBOTT: Oh boy.
COSTELLO: What are you doing?
ABBOTT: Loafin’.
COSTELLO: Where?
ABBOTT: In a bakery.
COSTELLO: You workin?
ABBOTT: Certainly.
COSTELLO: Doing what?
ABBOTT: loafing
COSTELLO: Well that’s what I was doing here, I was taking it easy
ABBOTT: AHH! NO NO NO! Not that kind of loafing! You’re just a lazy no good idiot.
COSTELLO: I . . . (gets interrupted)
ABBOTT: Not this kind here
COSTELLO (still talking) I, I, I was taking it easy, just like you
ABBOTT: I work when I loaf.
COSTELLO: (after 3 sec pause) how could you work and loaf at the same time?
ABBOTT: Why not?
COSTELLO: Can I do that?
ABBOTT: That’s what they pay me for!
COSTELLO: They pay you for what?
ABBOTT: To loaf!
COSTELLO: (after short pause) HOW DO THEY PAY YOU FOR LOAFING??? AT A BAKERS STORE YOU GOTTA DO SOMETHING?
ABBOTT: I’m a baker, so I’m loafing there
COSTELLO: You just go to work at a bakers store you don’t do nuthing.
ABBOTT AND COSTELLO ARE INTERRUPTING EACHOTHER
ABBOTT: oh yes, oh yes
COSTELLO: HOW MUCH THEY PAY YOU IN A BAKERS STORE TO LOAF?
ABBOTT: Dollar and a half an hour.
COSTELLO: FOR LOAFING?
ABBOTT: I’m a Union man, I belong to the Union
COSTELLO: I’m loafing here and not getting a nickel for it.
ABBOTT: You’re not supposed to get money for that kind of loafing.
COSTELLO: Well can I loaf there with ya?
ABBOTT: I should say not! You gotta join the Union!
COSTELLO: I have to join the Union of Loafers?
ABBOTT: You can’t loaf without belonging to the Union.
COSTELLO: Well, waddaya think o’ that? You mean I hafta join the Union in order to loaf?
ABBOTT: Well certainly!
COSTELLO: Don’t say anything, but I’ve been loafing here without the Union knowing
ABBOTT: No, you don’t know how to loaf here! (pause) (repeat) You can’t loaf here, you’ve got no dough!
COSTELLO: I’ve got no dough, that’s cause I’m loafing, I’ve got no dough.
ABBOTT: Oh, Well, you need dough in order to loaf. Then you need a card to join the Union!
COSTELLO: You mean you need dough to loaf?
ABBOTT: Well sure, how could you loaf without dough?
COSTELLO: That’s what I’ve been trying, you can’t do it.
ABBOTT: Whoa; well you can’t do it. You can’t do anything.
COSTELLO: Well I can’t retire right now, I have to get a job first.

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